I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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