I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
