On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
