I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
