Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
