Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
