We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
