I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
