i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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