He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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