Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
