You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
