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I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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