How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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