I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
