I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
