Yo dont text me then not text me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
