Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
