i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
