You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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