windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
