They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
