I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
