I wish I could teleport
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
