dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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