Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
