DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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