I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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