I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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