This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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