so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
