There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
