you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
