so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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