I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
