I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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