we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
