Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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