I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
