I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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