Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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