Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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