Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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