I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
