Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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