So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
