We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
