I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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