I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
