I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
