How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
