Got a toothbrush?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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