i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
