God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
